Very much so, I feel caught in the cross currents of uncertainty. The next five years of my life may depend on what happens in the next two and a half months. It's all happening in slow motion in front of me, but I'm afraid that I don't have the will to grab the moment to thrust me forward.
I've been feeling a loss of morale recently and I keep trying to remind myself that I have people who are there for me when I need them, who in turn remind me how far I've come and everything that I've been through.
I feel as through I'm reaching for the sun to attain my happiness but I'm afraid the wings falling off the plane. I told myself that I shouldn't set such high expectations for this relationship, but as it turns out I'm winning his trust and intimacy more and more and it's painful because it only makes me feel more insecure. I want to be absolved of these feelings that make me shudder at night. Do I not know how it feels to be loved?
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