This semester I decided to take a majority of my classes online, some of them are hybrid classes that have meatspace meeting times while others are pure online. What I didn't count on was this feeling of detachment. I feel as if I'm not connecting with people as good as I can or used to in high school. It could possibly be the social dynamics of college, though it could also be me. There's a lack of me being able to tell people how I feel on the inside. I feel that I can't trust people with my feelings, which leads back to my sense of detachment. My home life hasn't been good either, my dad's back because he refuses to pay for health insurance in an oligarchic developing country so he's mooching off the family plan. At least I'm not as detached from reality as he is, ignoring manners and sensibility and wasting away and demanding everything be his way or he'll throw a tantrum like he's 5 years old. I feel it's become too much for my mom now that she's working full time and now a part time hospice nurse at home. I've also feel like I'm at a point where I could be charged with elder abuse. I've thought about reversing the locks on his bedroom doors which also connects to the bathroom. Reversing the door to the living room would leave him trapped. I would also disconnect the phone line and switch off the power to his room. I'd probably get a few years in jail and or prison for that, but it's gotten to the point where when I try to sleep at night I can hear his voice in my head, yelling obscenities in Tagalog. Him being here isn't healthy for me at all, real estate prices in my area are at an all time high so moving out with a part time job isn't really much of an option unless I move across the bay into some shady neighborhood I know nothing of and probably in a town with an underfunded police force. I've seen his doctors appointments and they're spread out over several months which means it's either him or me for the next few months. I need more options in my life, the job search isn't going that well either. Every single application I put out gets rejected, apparently nobody out there doesn't want to put the capital forward to train someone into a position and into the workforce, either that or they've data mined my online presence and I'm on some "do not hire at all costs" list or something, but I'm probably just being some kind of conspiracy Keanu.
tl;dr: the status quo of my life needs to change
